welcome, and hello / one year in a new place
a new poem-response to "how are things?"
A handful of years ago (eight?!) I started writing essays about real light matters like postpartum depression, the surrenders within motherhood, antiracism, and the pandemic. I posted them on a no-clue-what-I’m-doing blog (bayleyjohn.com) and found such joy and catharsis in the pure outlet of writing for creativity’s sake. No content beast clipping at my heels, just the old fashioned emotional release that accompanies writing, especially as I felt I was being swallowed up as a frightened new mother.
Fast forward, and I still oscillate: between wanting to create and simultaneously wanting to hide. What I wrestle with here: self-presentation is typically an incomplete presentation of self.
Isn’t this a weird time of being a creative person in the world? How did Laura Ingalls Wilder share her work is something I’ve googled recently.
Amidst my apprehension, and maybe because of it, I have found a little haven within the slow art of poetry, how words strung together just so, can take a shovel straight to the chest and unlock something. I have read poems that stop me in my tracks in which I need to recover by absently staring at the wall.
The past few years, I began following a little voice saying go ahead, try it. So I started writing bits of poetry and vignettes, mostly very very badly, but learning to stick with it, and the joy I found in it kept me returning to it again and again. Like a good workout, I always feel better after having done something challenging, my mind and spirit a little more regulated.
These words are beginning to build a home here on substack, a seemingly friendly and consolidated place for little ‘ole words. Time will tell, I suppose.
I am very aware that we live in a world where attention is our most valuable currency, so please know I am deeply grateful you would use some of yours to read my work.
Truly, truly so glad you’re here. ILY.
My writing margin has increased by one precious degree, as our family of six is coming up on celebrating one year living in a new place. After making our home in Minneapolis for over ten years, we moved to Columbus, Ohio. We have cycled through the four seasons here, each one bringing a deeper settledness to our bones. It’s been uncomfortable, thrilling, joy-filled, vulnerable, risky. There have been moments of utter shock at God’s generosity, deep fulfillment, and also days marked by unexpected tragedy and loss.
The summary: a free-falling surrender.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I love it here. And finally, I know my way around a bit.
Love that you are finding this space to create, process & make beauty - the secrets of the winding roads, and the great amen of it all. Thank you for courageously sharing and blessing us. Celebrating you!
Such depth and truth. It has been many years since I said, “I know which house is mine; it’s the one I always drive past”. In your writing I learn you know that feeling and am thrilled to learn you now feel undisplaced, settled. But still you share your experience of the world with freshness and grace. Thank you for sharing back to the world; we need more like you.